Tag Archives: parenting

The foibles of flexibility

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(originally published on The Thesis Whisperer…http://thesiswhisperer.com/2012/07/24/the-foibles-of-flexibility/)

It’s taken me this long to figure something out – flexibility has its foibles. Trying to manage the kind of on-demand deep thinking that PhD study requires, whilst sleep-deprived from nocturnal visits of 3 year old and nocturnal demands of 1 year old, has been tough. I was managing it last year by working at home a lot and having the odd afternoon nap so it was safe to drive the car. Then, to make up the time I lost by afternoon-napping and the odd pick-me-up trip to the shops so I felt my world did not entirely revolve around napping, driving and on-demand deep thinking, I tried to squeeze in ‘work’ time of an evening whilst also trying to have some down time in front of the tv with long-suffering partner.  I also tried to squeeze some time into weekends, and even the odd morning, by not returning to sleep when 1 year old had been placated at 5am. I began to be very grouchy, very stressed and really, quite unpleasant to live with.  Part-timing it was not an option as I’m on a full-time dependent scholarship, and really didn’t want to make my PhD longer anyway. So, I said to myself, what can I do to make this work? I recognised that it was the choices I was making, rather than aforementioned 3 and 1 year old, or long-suffering partner, that were perhaps ‘to blame’.

Rather than allowing me to successfully manage my work interests and home life, it was all becoming so flexible that there was no structure and regularity, and it wasn’t good for my mental health, my family or my PhD.  Hence my number one new year’s resolution was to structure my week a bit more, and to quarantine my ‘work’ hours as work, and hold off on the tantalising supermarket shopping and afternoon naps as ‘rewards’. I’m lucky in that I have a very inviting office space to work in (even if the drive there can be a bit busy and stressful), colleagues whom I enjoy seeing, and a fab coffee place an ‘appropriate’ distance away (ie, far enough that you get some actual as well as metaphoric ‘distance’ from ‘work’, but not so far you get that yucky feeling like you’ve skived). So, Monday to Wednesday finds me at the office, Friday I do a bit flexibly from home, and often have supervisor meetings in the afternoon, and Thursdays I do part of the day at a very nice, recently and funkily refurbished public library (with free internet access and they allow drinks and snacks, woo hoo!) – I report this works well for me!

I am very focused and productive on my ‘work’ days, and if I want to do some extra of an evening I do, but as I’m not under pressure to make up time, if I don’t have to, I don’t, and it’s ok. I can ‘be’ with my kids and partner rather than feeling anxious about the work I haven’t done and will need to do, I even have times when I think ‘hmmmm, nothing much to do tonight’ and then I read a book. Usually about vampires and romance, yep, pushing 40, who knew??

PS

I wrote this post at the beginning of my second year of PhD study. Now I’m in my last six months, and as I read back over this post I’m struck by how I have made sustainable structures, but also, that I think that flexibility – one of the great pluses of academia life – are always going to require some negotiation!